I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
