its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
