hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
