coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
