he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
