i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
