He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
