I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
