I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
