Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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