I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
