If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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