i think my tv is drunk
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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