My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
