I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
