i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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