Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
