i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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