ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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