You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize