Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
