last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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