And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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