using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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