Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Drake has all the answers
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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