I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
We need to rekindle our bromance
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
