Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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