My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
