At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
