I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize