So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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