I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize