so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
