When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
