I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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