Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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