u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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