Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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