oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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