Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
