I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
