everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Also, beer. Big fan.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
