Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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