Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
