We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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