..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
