giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
she told me i tasted like america
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
