you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
