Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My vagina just recognized that song.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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