We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
