So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Drake has all the answers
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
