SEEEEXXX PLEASE
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
