I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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