Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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