it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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