I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
