And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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