just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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