girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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