i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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