I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
