She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
