Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
COCAINE IS GR8
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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