We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
