"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
